Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Familial Disease

I have been in emotional pain for the last four days.

My mother 91, fell and was taken to the hospital, suffering two lumbar fractures. I wasn't informed for over nine hours until I received a call from an administrator at her assisted living facility asking to authorize pain medication for her. I was distraught to think that mom was in pain and hadn't received any relief.

I was angry when I discovered that my sibling was notified, didn't go to the hospital and didn't pass along the information to the rest of the sibilings. Lack of communication is a chronic, negative effect of our family disease of incest.

As the messenger of the truth regarding my father as my perpetrator, I was immediately accused of lying, and promptly ostracized from the family. When I did have the courage to walk into my parent's home uninvited 10 years later I was accepted back with lingering unforgiveness from most of my family members.

When my father was dying of cancer God gave me the knowledge and love to take him to the hospital and set up hospice assistance. I stayed with him until his death eight weeks later, sang for him before he died, and sang AMAZING GRACE at his memorial service.

Three days before his death my father told me that I was the only person he trusted because "I know", and asked me to take care of mom. My mother lived with my husband and me for two years until my sibling removed her with his own ulterior motives. Shortly thereafter his spouse didn't want her and placed her in an assisted living environment which did not meet her medical needs of increasing frailty and dementia.

After my husband visited her residence and insisted that we be called in an emergency, the next night she had another fall. Because I was sick with fever, my dear husband got up after midnight, drove to the hospital and called all of my siblings on his way. She was returned to her residence in the early morning. He came home, slept two hours and got up for work. After my siblings found out what had transpired, mom was immediately removed from her residence back to my sibling's place rather than to a skilled nursing facility.

We are in crisis mode unnecessarily; two siblings made the decision to move her without consulting me or my other sibling. This is so typical of my family and so painfully disrespectful.

Yesterday my husband and I helped move her belongings because I didn't want all of her precious possessions thrown around without regard.

I have cried myself to sleep for three nights now because I know my mom is suffering and I have no control over her living situation.

This is a direct result of the devastating damages of incest in our family.

I have been very irritable, guilt-ridden, frustrated, discouraged and angry; unfortunately for my husband, my anger has been misdirected.

Right now I feel like I am never going to completely heal from the emotional damage of incest.

Thankfully, I know this is NOT the truth; I will overcome this !


  1. Healing is hard work. You have the courage to do it. It is a blessing that your husband supports you. I am sorry that you are hurting for yourself and for your mother.

  2. It is understandable and okay to have such mixed emotions,you have the courage to stay with them until they are able to pass.
    So sorry that you find yourself temporarily in the shadows,you are not alone, and I wish you, your family, mother, the peace you all deserve so much x
    He carries you where no footprints are.

  3. I am glad that despite all that he did, you were willing and able to come through for him - and her - when the time came. It had to be hard; but such is love - such a hard thing sometimes. And family - don't even get me started (sighing).

    I hope things get better for you and your siblings - I don't know. I don't get along with my brother anymore . . . who knows. But hope is what the future can hold - so holding some for you.

    1. Jeff, I have read and reread your comments; they are so supportive. You are kind and honest, like the brother I never had.
      Know that I appreciate every word and cherish our connection on our mutual journey toward healing.

      Blessings !

  4. As I read this post, I couldn't help but ask God to heal your heart and your family. You have been through so much...

    I can't imagine how you feel; stay strong and keep your faith in God. Only He knows the outcome of this situation and what lessons are to be learned from it!


    1. Thank you for your words of comfort and support. I am doing so much better now that I have prayed and placed it in God's hands. He knows better than me what my mother needs now. I am trusting that she is safe in LOVE's arms :)