Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Emerging from the Darkness Part XIV

“Pastor Ron raped me in front of my friends !”
“He did the same thing to me,” Donna responded.
The same perpetrators were involved for decades in the torturous and terrifying abuses of many of us young victims !
My father participated with the perpetrators from our church in the abusive rituals though he did not attend the church. He had become friends with Ron, the youth minister because we lived directly across the street from the church. My father often flew teenagers from church in his airplane as a reward for winning contests organized by Ron.
As I shared memories in my new ritual abuse therapy group with people from my former church, we were able to corroborate the specifics of our ritual abuse. I soon released my self-doubt that any of my nightmarish memories were created in my imagination.
Desiring to further confirm our ritual abuse horrors, two women, one man and I drove to a town in our county where much of our victimization occurred. Passing through one particular area I suddenly experienced a vivid memory associated with a nauseous odor from hen houses. Regressing to the age of a three year old I crawled onto the backseat floor and shook with fear for several minutes. As we continued to share memories during our drive, we were able to corroborate the perpetrators and the locations involved, though my experiences had occurred twenty years prior to their abuses. We discussed the fact that each of us had chosen individual therapy with Martha, yet none of us was referred by anyone we knew. A Power great than ourselves was working out a Divine plan for our healing !
For the first time in my life I experienced faith in God’s love for me; I began to feel worthy of love. My confidence in myself slowly increased as I continued to apply the therapeutic process, utilizing the tools of individual and group therapy, journaling, prayers, The 12-Step Program, and literature regarding sexual abuse and healing. Catharsis permeated my soul as I embraced the truth about my childhood and began to release the negative thoughts such as shame, guilt and self-loathing I had harbored in my heart. As my nightmares and insomnia decreased I began to function within my family unit, participating in activities and daily life.
A shift subtly took place in my marriage.


  1. Replies
    1. Dear brother on the healing journey, your words mean so very much to me. You have been supporting me and encouraging me consistently since I began blogging my story. Because of you and many faithful ones on this path I am inspired to continue to share in the hopes that many more will experience the healing process and embrace truth and love in their lives.

      You all are very precious to me :)