Sexual arousal is torturous pleasure intermingled with guilt, regret, remorse, anger, rage, disgust . . . etc.
If I could experience the moment I would gladly embrace it; but my eternally wounded children invade my mind and thwart my ability to be free . . . one of the greatest casualties of sexual assault.
I am saddened that after years of discovery and recovery I am still instantly yanked back during arousal by the chains of victimization and must fight to enjoy the union of my heart.
I am flawed and loved.